In Memoriam
Not a “t” failed to be crossed nor an “i” dotted in the remarkable life of my mother, Carolyn Eleanor Taffel. No doubt this reflection is replete with grammatical inefficiencies and would have been far more concise and elegant were she here to write it.
Carolyn closed her final chapter on May 29, 2019 at the young age of 78. She left her mark indelibly, whether in red pen or on the lives of others. She loved a markdown, too. Her wardrobe was bursting with the most beautiful designer clothes which, she would proudly declare, she’d curated from consignment stores throughout Southern California. Carolyn loved a bargain and through her savvy financial strength, she was able to live a life far greater than her means would imply.
Atlanta born and bred, Carolyn was smart as hell: Grady High School valedictorian and Goucher College graduate in just three years. Her intellectual firepower fueled her resourcefulness. Indeed, she never feared challenge and forever transformed it into opportunity. Although she at one time hoped to become an attorney or legal scholar, her unexpected and, at times, unjust life as a single mother of three had different plans for her. So instead, she refocused her energy in becoming the best paralegal she could be. (Boy, did Powell, Goldstein, Frazier, and Murphy get a bargain.)
Later, with her legal experience in hand, she started and ran her own auto sales and repair business, building it from the ground up. While, at first glance, it seemed an unlikely choice, it was the perfect way to honor her parents’ legacy (Louis Leo Taffel and Bessie Berinhout Taffel), whose own auto-related business was the foundation of the Taffel family’s success.
She spent the last two decades of her career as a teacher in underserved Los Angeles elementary schools where, simply put, she was a rock star. Part performer, part intellectual, and part disciplinarian, she poured her love of learning into her young students, many of whom are now college graduates! Her desk was filled with exotic gifts from her first-generation, non-English speaking Korean, Mexican and Philippino parents who expressed their gratitude to her through their own cultural lens. Although she didn’t always understand what these gifts were, she absolutely adored the sentiment behind them.
Her professional peers in education were half her age yet together they explored the Central California wine country on "girls trips" every year. Todor and I were the annual beneficiaries of her adventures; she'd visit our home laden with bottles of excellent wine, as well as spirited tales, from these oenological road trips.
Mom’s experience as a teacher launched a decades-long effort to give back to her community. While still working at the Los Angeles Unified School District, she co-chaired the Zero to Five Foundation which aimed to instill early literacy skills in the children of ESL (English as a Second Language) families. She raised money, read to the children before school, educated the parents on how to read to their kids at home, and gave countless books away. She loved being with those families, especially when she could ferry them on special trips to the countryside or host a Halloween party in their honor.
Her love of books and the English language cannot be understated. If she were to pick five things to take with her on a desert island, it would no doubt be four books and a box of Entenmann’s cheese danish. Actually, three books, a box of Entenmann’s, and a red pen to correct any misspellings or grammatical errors in said books.
She adored reading and participated in and ultimately lead her local library’s “Santa Monica Reads” program. (How do we know this? Because she amassed a ton of “Citywide Reads” swag which she promptly distributed to her friends and family. She was never one to waste, people.) For many years, she made a literary pilgrimage to Miami to attend the famed Miami Book Fair with the Laverne to her Shirley, her best friend of more than thirty years, Ossie.
Carolyn did not slow down whatsoever when she retired from teaching. To the contrary, she sped up. Never one to lunch or play tennis, she became a docent at the Santa Monica History Museum, the Broad Museum, the Getty and several others in her community. She ushered at plays and concerts throughout Los Angeles. She worked for the Obama and Clinton campaigns, believing strongly in their human rights platforms. She aided American newcomers with their assimilation: housing them, setting up their billing accounts and assisting them with their immigration issues. She studied a variety of subjects—from film to environmental science—at Emeritus College. She read, read, read. She made remarkable paper sculpture cards, many of which adorn my home. She read, read, read some more.
And she traveled. Boy, did she travel… not to the Four Seasons or the Fairmont but to places far more rare and inestimable: small communities in Spain, Portugal, Czechia, Hungary and Poland where she taught non-native English speakers to better communicate through the EnglishStay and Angloville programs. The combination of English, teaching, and giving back was like sweet candy for her soul. She could never get enough, especially of the remarkable people she met and who subsequently “adopted” her. Next thing you know, people half her age are flying in from Europe and Asia to visit her in Los Angeles. No, I’m not surprised. Nor was I surprised when she flew halfway across the world to spend Christmas in Portugal with two of her favorite members of this international posse. (Tom and Luci, she loved you very much.)
For every moment she spent contributing to her local and global community, she spent twice as much on her family, especially her seven grandchildren (Margo, Aidan, Ethan, Maya, Liam, Ralston, and Nora) whom she adored and admired. She loved to proofread their papers just as she had done for her own children. She attended their school events. She showered them with gifts. For the girls, it was often clothing and the boys, food. (She seemed to understand their currency, no?) And she showered them, most importantly, with love and unconditional acceptance.
Mom provided unending support to her three children, Melissa (aka Lisa or me), Michael, and Joshua, as well as her sisters, Shirley and Gail, each of whom will uniquely reflect and protect her character, ethos, and dedication to excellence. She is survived by an enormous village of “framily”—friends and family whom she loved dearly despite their foibles and they despite hers.
Thank you, Mom, for never insisting I be what I could not and allowing me to celebrate who I am. I’ll never be as tall or skinny as you were but I’d like to think there’s a little resemblance nonetheless.
